The day to day toils & tribulations of year-round living and working on the odd little spit of sand called Cape Cod.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Promoting Falmouth's Red Light District

I was sorry to see that the Falmouth Police Department busted an alledged prostitution ring in North Falmouth. See probably the best piece of news reported in a long time, here, or at least before the link expires. As a side note, I find it amusing that even though the Cape Cod Times lags a good couple days to a week behind other news venues in reporting local items, they nailed this one first!

The Falmouth PD has charged two ladies with running a prostitution ring that "serviced four states" from "a tidy cottage surrounded by flowers in North Falmouth." Sounds rather charming, not to mention business-minded and ambitious--nothing like the back room at the Mashpee Ballet.

In fact, this report brings to mind that other lady entrepreneur from more than a couple decades ago--the Mayflower Madam. You all remember Sydney Biddle Barrows? The famous madam and descendant of the Mayflower pilgrims.

And what did the police really have as evidence?

Okay, so they found "large sums of money" hidden in the house. What does that prove? Maybe the ladies are suspicious of banks. Maybe they are waiting for all of the banks to finish buying each other before making a big deposit. It's getting to the point where you can't even remember where your money is with all the name changes. And besides, when you have cash in your house do you leave it lying around? No, you hide it.

The coppers also found "a variety of sexual instruments used in the crime of prostitution". How do they know they were "used in the crime of prostitution"? Did they just assume using cunning detective work? Or will there be video taped evidence (goody!)? Well, me thinks if you checked the underwear drawers of many Cape residents, especially those recently seen leaving Toys of Eros in Provincetown, you may find the same "instruments" used in marriage. It may sound cynical, but doesn't somebody always pay?

The Falmouth PD also seized computers and ledgers with client details. Just in case--has anybody contacted the Kennedys yet? One of the women runs a garden design business. Maybe the ledgers are for her clients. And besides, the Cape is knee-deep with garden designers, landscape manicurists and such. Maybe competition was stiff and she needed a change.

If they are in fact running a brothel, maybe they should be commended for their entrepreneurial spirit and applauded for seeking out new economic opportunities. After all, every Cape chamber and board is scratching their collective head over how to stimulate the Cape's economy. What better stimulation than sex?

Some economic benefits for the Cape:

  • Enhanced vacation packages.
  • A concierge's dream come true.
  • Added stop for shoulder season bus tours.
  • Increase revenue for local restaurants and lodgings by attracting more bachelor parties and corporate get-aways.
  • May attract a professional sports team.
  • Legally keep politicians out of high-profile scandals.
  • Weather doesn't matter--it defies the Cape's pesky seasonality.
  • No more worrying about your philandering hound dog of a husband making that treacherous trip over the bridge for a little action.
If the ladies were smart, they could add a special branch for Provincetown and really rake in the pesos.

A brothel would also help decrease unemployment numbers. A legitimate company could be set up offering health, dental and 401k. I wouldn't move too fast on the tax part--tackle the private home rental thing first.

Release the North Falmouth ladies and give their enterprise some consideration. Help stimulate the Cape's economy! Is it really anymore far-fetched than any other local shenanigans?


At 6/29/2005 01:06:00 PM, Anonymous MadMom said...

Bravo Codder. Are two working girls really enough to be called a "ring"? I applaud these girls--instead of sitting on their behinds complaining about the lack of year round jobs on the Cape, they took charge of their lives and made their own doughnuts. I wonder if any Cape husbands are now kicking themselves and praying--"Please God, don't let my name be on that Excel spreadsheet!"

At 6/29/2005 02:03:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This will put the "HO" back in hospitality

At 7/04/2005 04:13:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Meanwhile, the local sexaul predators are roaming the playgrounds and the notorious MS13 is making serious inroads on the cape, i guess its safer to bust a couple of women for engaging in harmelss enterprise, as there were no weapons found just impements of mass conjuction...Well, do you really think they're the only ones!

Stand Yer Ground, Bandana


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